On My Heart: In Case I Don't Say It Enough

In case I don't say it enough, and I know that I don't, I really am so grateful for this beautiful place that we've been able to call home for the last five-plus years. How lucky we are that we don't have to travel far to find complete and total serenity - it truly is right out our back door.

I totally give Utah a bad rap .

The winters tend to do something to me that I reeeaaallly don't like  - major sufferer of the winter blues, right here. I know you all got an earful this past winter - it was a doozy.

But right now as I look back on all that Utah has had to offer us, not just in its incredible beauty and large variety of outdoor activities, but when I really look at the people it has brought into our lives, the amount of family-friendly activities it provides, the close proximity in which we live to such a huge population of people who share our same beliefs, or even the fact that this happens to be a place that both of our families love to frequently travel to, I can't help but admit that one day when we have to leave it I know that will be a sad day indeed & that it will be incredibly missed.

This lovely place will always be a treasured one in our hearts and one that we will frequently come back to in the years ahead - I say this assuming we won't be here forever, but then again I thought we would have left long ago so you never know what can happen.

So come February when I've had about all that I can take of winter with several months of it still ahead & I'm complaining about how I can't wait to get out, will someone please refer me back to this post?

'Preciate ya.

- e 

A Day for Love

Happy Valentine's Day , from our family to yours .

This was the card we put together and fully intended on sending out, since we missed the boat at Christmas . . . but I guess we'll have to look for a different occasion to send out a card!

Some day I'll get it together.

To the man and little lady in my life - I hope you know how much I love you .

I love you , I love you , I love you .

You are my everything .

When I am away from you , no matter how long , I am homesick for you .

I cannot imagine loving any two people more.

My love for you is infinite and unconditional.

And I support any day that celebrates my love for you . . . whilst encouraging me to eat sweets without guilt .

- e

Just FYI:

My Dress & Sweater : The Impeccable Pig
My Belt : Forever 21 (old)
Annie's Dress : Zara

On My Heart : Motherhood

Tonight BW is working late , so I took the opportunity to get some extra sunggles in with Annie B .

She was restless as she tried to fall asleep .

She rolled one direction , then the next , until she finally settled on my chest .

It's one of my favorite sensations - the weight of her as she lays on me .

I tried to lay so perfectly still , taking in the moment , in complete awe that I have been entrusted with such a beautiful little soul .

I love her so much , it hurts .

One day too soon , she will find herself too big to wrap herself around me .

The snuggles will be few and far between .
And the weight on my chest will be a different one entirely .
But she will always and forever be my sweetest baby girl .

People often tell me I have a very worried mind .
Tragedies involving children tend to weigh heavily on my heart and stay cemented in my brain .
They leave my stomach in knots .
And until I can shake them , they leave me feeling completely and utterly terrified .

What if I lost her ?

I saw this quote on the lovely Casey Wiegand's blog , and felt it completely resonate within me :

"Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body." Elizabeth Stone

I have to remember that I am not in control .
I have to surrender that which I cannot control .
All I can do is hold her tight and have faith .

- e







We Make Mistakes

Some of you may have heard the story in the news today about the tragic death of a two year old boy at a Philadelphia zoo . While I won't repeat the details , the story is one that has weighed heavily on my mind today .

I first saw the story on Good Morning America , and then later read an article about it on Yahoo .

As I came to the bottom of the article my eye caught the comments that were being made about this sweet baby's mother .

My heart broke for her .

I cannot imagine the pain of losing a child . I cannot imagine the anguish of feeling like you were even somewhat responsible , a burden which I'm sure every parent carries no matter the circumstances . I especially cannot imagine having my loss spread across the nation as some kind of gross example of how you can never be too careful , and having to endure the judgement of the mindless.

.

Most of all , I cannot imagine missing moments like these .

I wouldn't think that the people leaving those malicious comments were parents themselves .

Because if you were , you would recognize that we all have careless moments with our children .

We all do things that seem perfectly harmless , until suddenly they aren't . . . we're just lucky enough to have our children walk away unharmed .

Yes , we are the lucky ones .

When Annie was about 7 months old , I put her on the counter in her Bumbo chair while I was making dinner for another family in our neighborhood. Looking back now , it seems careless , but at the time it was something I had seen other people do .

I just . . . didn't think .

As I turned to place something in the oven , I heard Annie's toy hit the ground , followed my a loud smack . I ran over and found my baby face first on the tile floor , crying .

As I picked her up her eyes bulged out , rolled back in her head , and she began to convulse .

She then let out a long sigh , her eyes closed , her was body completely still .

At that moment , if only for that moment , the thought crossed my mind that I was watching my baby die - and it was all my fault .

By the time the paramedics arrived , Annie was awake and responsive .

After a long evening in the hospital , all results came back that she was completely okay .

The doctors and nurses told me not to beat myself up , that they did the same thing with their kids all the time .

I was one of the lucky ones .

To the mother of that baby boy , whose precious life was taken all too soon , I know that you will see him again . I also know that nothing will ever fill the hole in your heart until that day comes when you can be reunited with him .

I pray that you will have strength .

Today , after hearing his story , parents around the nation held on to their children a little bit tighter - accidents and tragedies were further prevented as we all became more aware .

He left a legacy , even in his short time .

- e

P.S. - I spent some time looking for a quote or scripture that would go with this but came up short . If anyone has one they would like to share , would you please leave a comment ?